Arrival

We left the sun somewhere past London, and had to race halfway round the world just to pick him up again. It’s a shame that in our haste, our luggage just couldn’t keep up the pace. So if you happen to see my face plastered on every Bangalore paper and wonder why I’m in jeans and a tshirt, just know that at least once I have an excuse for being chronically underdressed.

Aside from the billboards and advertisements, we are more or less the only white people in Bangalore. Had we told the endless amount of men stopping and staring at Brittany that she was a famous American pop-star, I doubt anyone would question it.

Once again, I am left to question whether these people are the best or worst drivers in the world. If you ever wondered what would happen if police officers ran out of tickets to give, this would more or less be it.

The smell of the country is overwhelming at first, like you have stepped off the plane and right into the kitchen of your local Taj buffet. The food is delicious, the bananas are tiny, the pizza is most certainly not pizza, and juice is served room temperature (and I’d be crazy to ask for ice).

The tv stations are all Bollywood-style music videos and movies. Sometimes they speak in English, but not enough to understand the story more than “guy sings about girl, girl sings about not wanting guy, then the guy joins 50 other guys for a synchronized dance number.” (I’m almost positive they just said “Microsoft Word,” but they are nowhere near a computer) Also they danced with a transformer at one point (a car turned into a robot, not the electrical box).

Hopefully my suitcase arrives today, as though we plan on going shopping (and the airline gave me $70 to buy clothes), I haven’t seen any man in this country taller than 5′7″ and with a waist wider than 30″.

I’m still jetlagged, I don’t quite understand how to operate the toilet (it’s apparently a more complicated measure than a ‘flush’ button, as there’s also a valve to ‘open’ or ‘close’), and I’m surprised I’ve made it this far without getting sick.

But aside from that, India is wonderful.

some recent observations concerning facial hair and pirates

1) brad pitt looks absolutely terrible with a moustache

2) no, if we want to be a truly free market, we should not bail out the big three. they should fail, the execs should be fired, and the unions disbanded.

3) yes, since no one wants the entire country to be unemployed, we should probably bail them out anyway. the execs should still be fired, and the unions should still be disbanded. if they don’t make immediate changes to their fundamental business strategies (fuel efficiency vs. power as a selling point, large vs. smaller cars, union workers, etc) – 5 years or less – they will be right back where they are now.

4) trying to develop new ‘nonlethal’ weapons like audio blasters or high pressure hoses to deal with somalian pirates is beyond ridiculous. Change maritime ordinances immediately. Any large ship traveling through that region should be armed, and upon sight of pirates should open fire. this problem will only get worse otherwise. you do not bring a knife (or in this case, a hose) to a gun fight.

5) if we do not address the underlying economic/political reasons that these men have resorted to piracy, the problem will continue regardless of the ships’ actions.

6) bill richardson looks absolutely terrible without a beard

7) yes, the mumbai attacks originated in pakistan. duh. pakistan knows it, we know it, the indians certainly know it, and our tip-toing around the situation won’t help anything.

8 ) yes, I still want to go to India. no, i am not afraid. i will not look back on my life and fondly remember the times i spent safe and sound in familiar comfort. it is in these times that you must dare to live.

9) no, computer mice are not going to disappear in favor of multitouch input screens. it is not always intuitive or usefull to jab at a screen like a gorilla.

 

that wraps it up for today.